For the next few weeks, I’m going to focus my writings on things related to animation. So to kick it off I’ve decided to share my personal favorite episodes of The Simpsons. You know, that TV show that was one of the greatest cartoons ever made which soon devolved into one of the worst. The one that is still airing new episodes, even though its pretty unanimous that it sucks now. Well, most of us also know that during the so called ‘Golden Years’ (seasons 3-8 or so, although there’s some debate about the exact time the series went downhill) The Simpsons was churning out great television and some of the best jokes ever. So here they are, my ten favorite Simpsons episodes of all time. Take note: this was a difficult list to compile.

10. The PTA Disbands

Season 6, Episode 21

This is one of those classic episodes that most people recognize, but rarely think of when trying to remember good episodes. After a failed school field trip, the teacher’s have enough and go on strike at Springfield Elementary. This in turn causes people from the neighborhood to take up the teacher’s positions. There’s a lot of good stuff in this episode, and Principal Skinner-focused episodes rarely disappoint. It’s also a less ‘zany’ episode than some of the ones on this list, and probably one of the most down to earth and approaches the subject matter with a keen intellect.

Highlights:

• Principal Valiant
• “Hey they’re trying to learn for free!” “Use your phony guns as clubs!”
• “In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!”
• The man who jumps out the window, then back in when Ned assures him the PTA has not disbanded.
• Bart ‘tricking’ Skinner to go to his office (“Go to my office? Highly irregular, but alright.”)

9. Burns Verkaufen Der Kraftwerk

Season 3, Episode 11

This is perhaps the episode I remember most clearly as being possibly the very first episode I ever saw. When some German businessmen want to buy the plant off of Mr. Burns, he reluctantly accepts (after exclaiming ‘woo hoo’ many times). Things change at the plant, especially for Homer, as he is the sole person let go from his job. I think I have always loved Burns-centric episodes because he really is one of the greatest characters on the show, and this was one of the first ones where he is shown as something other than the malevolent plant owner. Not by much though. The German’s are some of the best one-episode characters ever, especially Horst, as he is the most non-threatening.

Highlights:

• Homer’s reason why they can’t fire him: “Because…” which soon turns into a very sad looking Homer.
• The completely unnecessary announcement of all the employees laid off: “Simpson, Homer. That is all.”
• The Land of Chocolate. And the transition afterward. “Oh, I’m sorry. We were talking about chocolate?” “Zat was ten minutes ago!”
• “Do we have any alcoholics among us?” “Um, me?” “Right here.” “I’m drunk right now.”
• And of course, the Germans trying to intimidate Mr. Burns, and his sarcastic rant “Oh no, the Germans are coming to get me!”

8. Two Bad Neighbors

Season 7, Episode 13

The Simpsons make a political episode, and barely talk about politics. Instead, they make George Bush Sr. a crotchety old man who happens to be an ex-president. It’s a genius way to openly mock Bush without talking about his politics at all. The episode itself actually stemmed off of a feud between the Simpsons writers and the Bush administration. I won’t go into it because it’s easy to read about almost anywhere else. But this episode quickly became one of my favorites, almost entirely because of the way they painted Bush as a character. It’s pretty fantastic.

Highlights:

• Pretty much any interaction Bart has with Bush, specifically when talking about his presidential pajamas.
• “Boys? Where are you going?”
• Of course, Gerald Ford being just like Homer is pretty great.

7. Lemon of Troy

Season 6, Episode 24

This episode is awesome because instead of creating conflict within the characters we all know and love, the whole of Springfield bonds together against a common enemy: Shelbyville. While Shelbyville is referenced often throughout the series as being the quintessential anti-Springfield, it isn’t until this episode that we really get to see the city and the inhabitants shine. There are doppelgangers of many of the main characters and the interactions they have with the ‘originals’ are gold. Especially Milhouse.

Highlights:

• Frink and the flying motorcycle (“You had your chance. Woah! Glavin!”)
• Milhouse’s ‘other’ and saying ‘Radical.’
• Celebrating victory by eating a lemon (see above picture).
• The old man saying the Lemon Tree was haunted, and celebrating with Turnip Juice.

6. Homer at the Bat

Season 3, Episode 17

I think this was likely one of the first episodes to have a veritable smorgasbord of guest stars in the story, but it actually suited the story. Not only that, but the fact that the guest stars were all baseball players and not actors is almost a benefit to the humor in the episode, as you have these professional athletes delivering hilarious lines almost deadpan because they don’t know how to act. I mean, some are better than others, but there’s no one terrible enough to ruin the jokes and sometimes they are even more funny that way. It’s such a ridiculous premise, but it pays off wonderfully and I love it. I’d almost say this episode (or near it) is when the Golden Age (un)officially begun.

Highlights:

• Recruiting the various ball players
• The subsequent losing of all the players in nine misfortunes.
• Daryl Strawberry and everything he does. And of course, the single tear after being taunted by Bart and Lisa.
• Bart and Milhouse picking teams, with the pros walking by at the right moment for Milhouse to pick them (“You got yourself a player.”)
• Being hypnotized and still understanding that ‘110%’ doesn’t actually make sense.

5. Homer’s Enemy

Season 8, Episode 23

This is perhaps the most clever episode of Simpsons there is. It’s clearly a response to Homer as the person most American’s want to be, and the introduction of Frank Grimes as the ‘realistic’ American makes an incredibly astute contrast to the way things really are. This quote by Frank Grimes spells it really clearly:

“God, I’ve had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance? Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factory! Fancy clothes and [sniffs air] lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No!”

And in the end, what does meeting Homer do to Grimes? It actually is one of the darker endings of a (non-Halloween) Simpsons episode: It takes his life. Does Homer care though? Nope. He continues to coast through life, and everyone else just laughs it off. “That’s our Homer!” Of course, the episode is also really funny, so I love watching it. But it’s interesting to think about.

Highlights:

• Burns making the dog his executive vice president.
• “I’d say he eats more like a duck. Pigs tend to chew.”
• Frank living on top of a bowling alley that is below another bowling alley.
• “Ralphie get off the stage sweetheart.”
• Frank Grimes. He’s one of the greatest characters ever, and only appeared in one episode.

4. Marge Vs. The Monorail

Season 4, Episode 12

This is unarguably a classic, and very few people will NOT cite this episode in a top ten list if they were to make one. Written by Conan O’Brien, and featuring another great Phil Hartman character (Lyle Lanley), this episode is brilliant from start to finish. Matt Groening himself said this episode has his favorite quote of all time (“I call the big one bitey.”) and the guest spot by Leonard Nimoy is just the icing on the cake. It’s perhaps one of the more ‘zany’ plots the Simpsons have had, but also one of the greatest. Easily made the list.

Highlights:

• The Monorail song
• “A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet, goes on.” “Does anyone want to switch seats?”
• “Batman’s a scientist.” “It’s not Batman!”
• “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?”
• Putting Ogdenville, Brockway and North Haverbrook on the map. Literally.
• Nimoy celebrating his job well done, and when being told he didn’t do anything he chuckles and says “Didn’t I?” Then he disappears a la Star Trek.

3. Cape Feare

Season 5, Episode 2

Remember when Sideshow Bob was not only an interesting character, but an amazing one? Who had dimensions to him and great characterizations? Well here is his best episode. There’s so much going on in this episode and I’d say it’s got the greatest ratio of laugh out loud jokes vs minutes of the show. Not only that but it’s a pretty spot on parody of the film Cape Fear. It really saddens me that they’ve turned Bob into a terrible character because he really was the best recurring character on the show, and Kelsey Grammar is always perfect in the role. Unfortunately they brought him back too much that it just because gimmicky and stupid.

Highlights:

• Homer being scared someone is trying to kill him, until he realizes the letter is for Bart.
• Ahahahahaha, Wipeout!
• “Use a pen, sideshow Bob.”
• Hello, Mr. Thompson.
• Meeting Bob in the movie theatre, and “I’ll stay away alright. Stay away….FOREVER.” And Homer’s “Oh no!”
• “Surely there’s no harm in laying in the middle of a public street!” Cue parade. “Not the elephants!”
• The Rake sequence. Before Family Guy ruined those kind of jokes by overdoing it.
• Homer scaring Bart twice in bed with brownies and a chainsaw.
• Bart running to see a crocodile, then eels, then back to the croc. “Oh yeah.”
• The complete score of the HMS Pinafore. “By Lucifer’s Beard!!!”

2. A Milhouse Divided

Season 8, Episode 6

I think Kirk Van Houten is one of my favorite characters on the show. His voice, his mannerisms, and his utter lameness are all just brilliant. So of course this, one of the most Kirk heavy episodes, is one of my favorite episodes ever. Of course it does what the Simpsons do so well – take a real and sincere topic like divorce, and make it hilarious and heart warming. It’s also commendable that in the end, Luann does not take Kirk back to return things to the status quo. Milhouse’s reaction to the divorce is not touched upon as much as Homer’s reaction, which ends with a very touching moment in the series, as Homer and Marge rekindle their marriage. It was actually very very close to being my number one pick, but I just couldn’t do it.

Highlights:

• The dinner party and the pictionary esque game. “It’s Dignity!” “That’s a door?” “Shut up and let the woman speak!”
• Allied Biscuit
• “I sleep in a racing car do you?” “I sleep in a big bed with my wife.”
• Getting fired from the Cracker Factory “I don’t recall saying good luck.”
• Hot dogs thawing in the sink.
• Homer’s pained sounds after Bart hits him with a chair.
• “Can I borrow a Feeling?” and Homer’s reaction to the tape.
• Homer’s gentle sounds of the ocean to help Marge sleep, complete with foghorn, seagulls and a pirate.
• And of course, Kirk’s rendition of his single and Luann’s reaction to it. “Ew, no.”

1. You Only Move Twice

Season 8, Episode 2

This was a no brainer for me. I absolutely adore this episode and everything about it. Hank Scorpio is quite possibly my favorite Simpsons character. Not guest star, character. And just from one episode. He’s exactly the kind of person you’d need to be to successfully run an evil empire. I’ve always wondered why the bad guys in Bond films and others have so many flunkies, because they’re clearly evil. Well this episode explains all that. An affable, personable and friendly man bent on world domination, but treats his employees with the utmost respect. It’s brilliant and hilarious and easily the best episode of the series.

Highlights:

• Smithers rejecting the job offer “Can’t a man walk down the street without being offered a job?”
• The promotional video for Cypress Creek, and the homeless man turning into a mailbox.
• “Ever seen a guy say goodbye to a shoe?” “Yes, once.”
• “Don’t call me Mr. Scorpion. It’s Mr. Scorpio, but don’t call me that either.”
• “I didn’t even give you my coat!” Cut to Scorpio wearing his coat – backwards.
• Bart’s remedial class. “I start fires!”
• Lisa meeting a chipmunk, and an owl, happily skipping away while the owl eats the chipmunk.
• The hammock discussion, and the fact that there’s a ‘hammock complex’ and a ‘hammock district.’ On third.
• Scorpio giving Homer some sugar (directly from his pockets), then asking if he wants any cream. “Um…no.”
• The bridge collapsing, and the guy wanting to take a chance.
• Homer stopping Mr. Bont, and then they just shoot him at point blank instead of putting him in another elaborate death machine.
• The whole ending sequence where Homer quits, with pandemonium around him. So ingenious.

- Alan

Awards season is coming up, you know the time when the studio’s start releasing their “Oscar bait.” I love the Academy Awards. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I find some sort of validation in knowing that there is a massive group of people out there that loves the movies even more than those of us who write for The Spotless Minds. And that makes me feel accepted. But whenever that Best Picture award comes around I know that there is an 80% chance that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will royally fuck it up. These are the ten biggest mistakes the Academy ever made and the movies that should have won.

Number 10: Dances with Wolves (1990)

Are you fucking kidding me???? ‘Good Fellas’ came out this same year and was nominated for Best Picture as well! How high would you have to be to think for a second that Martin Scorsese’s gangster masterpiece is inferior to watching Kevin Costner, of all people, stare at grass for over 2 1/2 hours?? ‘Dances with Wolves’ is a beautiful film to look at, but so is ‘Good Fellas,’ and in the end Scorsese’s film is the one that encompasses the truest spirit and magic of the film medium. When Ray Liotta breaks the fourth wall and addresses the audience to tell us why he loved being a gangster, it’s one of those moments that makes me love film.

Number 9: Forrest Gump (1994)

I am the first to admit that I am incredibly biased against this movie because it beat the film that I used to call my favourite: ‘Pulp Fiction’ (which still holds a number 6 position on my Top Ten). ‘Forrest Gump’ is an ok movie that was surrounded in a sea of better ones. It deserved some of the recognition it got (eg. Tom Hanks for his incredibly charming performance) but it is not and never will be better than The Fiction, and here’s why: after one of the worst decades in popular culture (the 80’s), action/adventure movies began to be bland, predictable and driven by a deathly precise formula…you know, like they are again now. But then when all hope seemed to be lost Quentin Tarantino put all those bland formula’s together and made something completely fresh and new. Say what you will about QT, but ‘Pulp Fiction’ is a masterpiece. And then there’s Forrest, sitting on his bench, telling a perfectly linear story about his unlikely life. So the Academy once again goes for the safe choice. Oh well, stupid is as stupid does…I guess.

Oh almost forgot. ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ was also nominated for Best Picture, just to put into perspective how fucking stupid the Academy can be.

Number 8:  Chariots of Fire (1981)

Has anyone ever actually watched a marathon? Well guess what? I have. They’re bloody boring. So boring that clawing your eyes out and asking an old person why they hate black people seems like a better way to pass the time. And yet, here we are in 1981 and a movie about a really long jog and a catchy score wins Hollywood’s top prize. Guess what else was nominated this year…give up? ‘RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK’ the quintessential  adventure movie. But no, Professor Jones and his fedora weren’t sophisticated enough for Mr. Oscar.

Number 7: Ordinary People (1980)

I always wonder why the Academy is so cruel to Martin Scorsese. This movie won over ‘Raging Bull’ which is easily one of the best movies of the whole decade, while Robert Redford’s harsh drama is barely a footnote. This choice is a really obvious one as it appears on a lot lists like this one by other film critics. I don’t actually know of anyone who thought this was a better film than ‘Raging Bull.’ Maybe I just don’t want to.

Number 6: A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Ron Howard has made only one good movie and it is not this one (It’s ‘Apollo 13′ if you were wondering). This film is emotionally manipulative with it’s audience. It doesn’t give the viewer any space to make their own judgements on the characters especially the story’s protagonist who is presented as a tormented Saint-like man who can do no wrong and is a victim of his own genius. God dammit! Give the man some dimensions! Let him grapple with the darkest sides of his twisted mind instead of the one that tells him to do invisible math equations. Also I did not believe, for one second, the relationship between Crowe and Jennifer Connelly. What really hurts is how well this movie starts, but then turns into non-engaging, Oscar baiting BLARG! And what’s worse is that the general public still loves it! AGH!

Oh right! Uhhhh, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring definitely should have won this year, it’s the best of the Trilogy easily.

Number 5: Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)

Ok, this is actually a good movie, and deserved this award, and probably shouldn’t be so high on this list, but it did beat ‘Apocalypse Now.’ That I cannot forgive.

Number 4: My Fair Lady (1964)

I’m willing to take a lot of flack for this. I know how crazy some people are for dear old Audrey. And this movie was made when musicals on film were still relevant (heads up, they’ve been making a huge comeback since ‘Chicago’ but I’m not sure we’re there yet). This movie may be wonderful but it doesn’t say anything important and it also has become a little bit dated. But the movie that should have won is still quite relevant, humorous and highly entertaining. ‘Dr. Strangelove’ is one of my favourite films of all time and was nominated this year for four academy awards (Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay and Actor – Peter Sellers) and took home a big goose egg. Its darkly comic take on nuclear annihilation is ingenious and hilarious. Peter Sellers is always brilliant and with fantastic turns from George C. Scott and Slim Pikins makes this one of the best of the decade if not ever.

Number 3: Titanic (1997)

The poster for this movie lists the better movies that James Cameron made. ‘Terminator 2′! ‘Aliens’! Even ‘True Lies.’ The reason that these movies are better is because they are uncompromising and unique. ‘Titanic’ on the other hand is a brilliantly made film, but it is a story we’ve all heard many times before. In fact this movie is almost a remake of the 1953 film of the same name. The film is extremely basic when one looks past the striking visuals: poor boy meets rich girl. They fall in love. Forces conspire to come between them. Then the ship sinks and the girl refuses to share the enormous floating door and dooms the boy to a watery grave. Ok so that last part isn’t very common, but my point is that as far as story goes, this one doesn’t take any risks, and I think the Academy should award risks when they are effective. Like LA Confidential, which should have won.

Number 2: Shakespeare in Love (1998)

I really, really, really wanted to make this my number one pick, but I couldn’t let my hatred of romantic comedies completely blind my judgement. However, the number 2 position is almost just as good. In a year when four other movies SHOULD HAVE WON, the academy picked a ROMANTIC COMEDY!!!! And not even a good one, this is a fucking mediocre romantic comedy starring two mediocre leads. You know what Joseph Fiennes is doing now? TV and soft-core porn. Yeah. And what the hell is Ben Affleck doing in this movie? The man can barely do a Boston accent and he grew up there, never mind a proper English dialect! For those of you reading this who think I’m full of shit, let me list the films that were also up for the Big Prize this year: ‘Life is Beautiful’ ‘The Thin Red Line’ ‘SAVING PRIVATE RYAN’ and ‘Elizabeth.’ Any one of these would have been better than this poor excuse for a period piece. God it just makes me so mad, I want to kick something small and furry!

Number 1: How Green Was My Valley (1941)

Remember this one? I didn’t think so. This movie’s number one claim to fame is that it is a terrible bore and that it beat ‘Citizen Kane.’ In the most classic blunder in Academy history, they award the movie about coal miners going on strike and leave out AFI’s number one film of all time (Personally I don’t think ‘Citizen Kane’ should be number 1, but hey, who am I to judge?). Also nominated the same year was ‘The Maltese Falcon’ and ‘Sergeant York.’ Yesterday I asked a random group of people if they had heard of ‘How Green Was My Valley.’ I received an almost unanimous “what now?” And then I asked them if they had heard of Citizen Kane, and then came a resounding “of course!”

I rest my case.

Now I want to state clearly that there are plenty of good best picture winners (The Godfather, The Departed, Slumdog Millionaire, The French Connection, The Deer Hunter etc.) and I promise I will write a positive review one of these days. Until then, tah.

- Greg

Name: Greg Wilson

DOB: October 4, 1989

Favourite Directors: Stanley Kubrick, Martin Scorsese, Paul Thomas Anderson, Christopher Nolan, David Fincher, Quentin Tarantino, Sergio Leone, Michael Mann

Favourite Writers: David Mamet, Charlie Kaufman, Judd Apatow, Quentin Tarantino

Favourite Actors: Daniel Day-Lewis, Kate Winslet, Sam Rockwell, Alec Baldwin, Paul Rudd, Brad Pitt, Neil Patrick Harris, Al Pacino, Uma Thurman

Some Favourite Movies: The Good the Bad and the Ugly, Heat, The Dark Knight, Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, The Empire Strikes Back, Dr. Strangelove, The Godfather 1-2, Lord of the Rings, The Departed, There Will Be Blood, Eyes Wide Shut, Liar Liar, Apocalypse Now, Superbad, The Emperor’s New Groove, Magnolia, The Aviator, The Killer

A Little Background Info: I am a drama major at the University of Lethbridge. I love acting, writing and directing. In my spare time I make internet sketches with my good friends. Movies are my passion. And I don’t drink Vex coolers anymore.

Hi everyone! I’m Greg. If you don’t know me here’s a little bit about myself: I love movies, but every so often a film comes along that makes my blood boil, and I feel compelled to write my thoughts. So for my first review I’d like to offer my “insight” on the movie Twilight, in honour of the newest instalment in the series being only a few weeks away:

TWILIGHT

Rating: 0/5

Directed By: Catherine Hardwicke

Writer: Melissa Rosenberg (Screenplay), Stephanie Meyer (Novel)

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart

I want to begin by saying that I did not like this film, stop reading if you’re one of the many people out there who loved it and want nothing more than to curl up and snuggle in Edward’s deathly cold arms. This review may offend you.

I admit this movie is intriguing, I enjoy a good forbidden love story as much as the next person (‘The Princess Bride’ anyone?), but after about the first 30 minutes you’ll realize that this basic plot has been done before and much better. An example that immediately comes to mind is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Twilight is one of the only movies I’ve suffered through in theatres in which I thought walking out halfway through would be the best idea ever (another was Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, but more on that later).

The actors are as good as Keanu Reeves in ‘The Matrix Revolutions’… Which is the same as saying that a brick would be just as good. This was one of the most disappointing aspects of the flick beause I’ve seen the two leads in other movies and they are so much better than the artificial script they’re working from. Case in point: Kristen Stewart in ‘Adventureland.’ She’s wonderful in that one.

I can’t seem to think of a good performance from Robert Pattinson…I’ll just go with ‘The Goblet of Fire’

The script itself seems like it was churned out by a couple of the writers of One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl while they were smoking weed in their producer’s basement. I guess one can’t exactly expect a ‘Memento’ calibre script when the source material is what it is. And yes I’ve read every single book in the Twilight Saga, and I have come to the conclusion that Stephanie Meyer is good at writing material that gets you hooked, but that’s about it.

Now let’s review, for a moment, Kristen Stewart’s character, Bella. Arguably the worst female heroine ever written. She is a helpless little princess without her “Edward” and everything she says is so annoying like: “I don’t want to live without you.” All she does is spout romantic cliche after cliche until I realize that if I listen to her anymore I will run head first into the television screen and achieve the eternal peace I’ve always wished for.

Twilight is obviously a sort of preamble to a much bigger story that will be told in the future instalments, but does it really need to take so long for anything to happen? Think about it: In the movie, about 30 minutes goes by in which the two attractive leads eye fuck the shit out of each other. Then a bad vampire comes and breaks Bella’s leg. Boo-hoo, whaaa. Move on.

Just to emphasize how bad the writing and acting is in this movie, I have paraphrased the scene after the bad vampire meets his demise. I personally think it’s better than anything in the movie because at least it’s honest. And it goes something like this:

BELLA (crying, cause she’s a whiny bitch)

EDWARD (Staring intensely because the director doesn’t know how to tell him to do anything else, and knows all the naive little girls will simply be blown away by his sheer sexiness)

BELLA: Please don’t leave me (whimper)

EDWARD: I must, you aren’t safe around me

BELLA: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

EDWARD: Ok. I’ll stay

BELLA: And will you make me into a vampire too?

EDWARD: I can’t. It’s too painful

BELLA: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

EDWARD: Ok, but not until you graduate.

BELLA: Oh I love you Edward

EDWARD: I love you too

INTENSE EYE FUCKING

The effects spent on making the character of Edward look like a vampire must have cost somewhere between 10 and 40 dollars. Tops. The guy doesn’t even have FANGS for gods sake. He doesn’t hide his fangs like ‘True Blood’ vampires, they just aren’t there! Oh and when he steps out into the sun to reveal himself to Bella, it looks like an assistant from makeup ran up to actor Robert Pattinson (who plays Edward, if that wasn’t clear) and simply threw a handful of glitter at his face. He looks like he just fucked Tinker-Bell.

I tried to think of something I liked about this movie after I got the bad taste of it out of my mouth. And I came up with one thing: The smooth transition from the sparse mountains in Arizona to the rainy Mountains in Washington state. That’s it.

So save yourself some pain. When you’re in the movie store holding that copy of Twilight in your hand, thinking to yourself, “Hm, maybe I should watch this.” Just put it back onto the shelf, go over to the action section where real movies dwell and grab yourself a copy of The Dark Knight. Then calmly go over to the check out and ask to speak to the store manager, when he/she gets over to you, punch him/her right in the face and proclaim: TWILIGHT SUCKS. Then pay for your movie and leave.

P.S. Don’t actually do that, you could get in trouble. But you get my point. It’s not a good movie

- Greg

Year One

Director: Harold Ramis

Writer: Harold Ramis, Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg

Starring: Jack Black, Michael Cera, David Cross, Juno Temple, June Raphael

Rating: 0.5/5

It’s been a long time since I’ve found myself laughing uncontrollably from a movie, and the more comedies spewed out by the money grubbing studios the more I lose interest in the genre. I remember a time when I would get excited about comedies, and lately I mostly get upset. Here we have Year One, a ‘buddy comedy’ set in, well, Year One. Jack Black and Michael Cera play the same characters they’ve always played with longer hair and embark on a road trip/adventure/self discovery quest when they are exiled from their tribe. That’s…pretty much the gist of the story. The rest of the movie is filled with anachronisms, allegories, and alliterations (see what I did there) that ultimately just create a jumbled mess of a movie with nothing redeemable about it.

I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what Harold Ramis was trying to accomplish with this film. I mean, he’s put out some legitimately good comedies in the past (Groundhog Day and Ghostbusters; the latter he did not direct but co-wrote), and you’d think he’d understand that this kind of movie doesn’t work. I mean, it’s set in Year One, okay, sure. But already from the get-go you’re taking it out of the realm of reality. That’s fine, there are plenty of absurdist comedies that succeed brilliantly. But the difference here is everyone acts like this is modern times. I understand you couldn’t have them just grunting the whole time, but the things they talk about and reference are so obviously winks to the audience that it makes it less funny.

There are so many talented people in this movie that are completely wasted. Hank Azaria ranting and raving about circumcision and Oliver Platt rubbing oil all over himself become annoying rather than funny. They took these biblical characters and made them caricatures to make them ‘funny’ but it’s so stale and overdone that there’s no point to it. In addition, Jack Black and Michael Cera seem to be just phoning this in and bring nothing new to the table. They are both funny. But they aren’t playing characters anymore, they’re playing ‘Jack Black the Zany Actor’ and ‘Michael Cera the Awkward Teen’ caveman edition. Because of that you can’t feel for these characters at all, and I don’t care if it’s a comedy damnit, I want some goddamn pathos.

Not only that, but everyone knows that in every comedy there HAS to be a romance subplot. Because that’s what the people want to see! Right? Well, no. It’s fine to have a romance subplot in any film, but you can’t just tack it on top of the whole story to give some kind of denouement to the characters. This movie has the most unbelievable and unlikely romance story in any film I’ve ever seen. Both Zed (Black) and Oh (Cera) are smitten with Maya and Eema, respectively. Throughout the whole movie, both women show absolutely no interest in these bumbling fools (except perhaps a brief scene at the beginning where Maya seems to find Zed charming), until the end of the film when both seem to do a complete 180 and fall in love with them. This does happen in other films, I suppose, but there is usually some kind of progression or some turning point where someone realizes they have feelings for the hero, or something to that effect. This movie just tacks it on in the end to give Michael Cera an awkward love making scene.

Which reminds me, this movie basically seems to be Prehistoric Superbad. Not only is there the aforementioned scene, but the Cera/goofy chubby guy combo is the main draw, and the pursuit of romance is their motivation. On top of that, Christopher Mintz-Plasse (who played the doomed to be popular but hated ‘McLovin’) shows up at one point and joins the duo for a while. As I watched the three of them converse I couldn’t believe how similar this was to Superbad, but unfortunately, as I stated earlier, Superbad was based in reality. Which I think is ultimately the reason it didn’t work. It’s the (pre-Kung Fu Panda) Dreamworks syndrome: Taking a fantastical story/idea and trying to base it in OUR reality. Shark Tale had underwater cities, the fish acted like people. Compared to Finding Nemo where the coral reefs and realistic elements of the sea were adapted to BE city-like.

The same thing happens here. They take a fantastical plot and put very modern and realistic characters/ideas into it. It becomes a gimmick rather than an enjoyable story. And in the end, the story matters.

- Alan

A shot you'll grow to loathe

Movie Review – Paranormal Activity (2007)

Director: Oren Peli

Writer: Oren Peli

Starring: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat

Rating: 4/5

Paranormal Activity was released to festivals in 2007 to much critical and audience acclaim, and was only recently picked up by Paramount Pictures and released nationwide to pretty outstanding box office success. Made for $11,000, and sure to gross like mad, it is being toted as the next Blair Witch Project, which happens to be one of my favorite horror films. I loved a lot of things about Paranormal Activity, but can’t honestly say it would make my top 10 or even 20 in the genre.

The story follows Micah and Katie, a dating couple who have recently moved in together in a new housing development in middle America. Their life seems perfectly idyllic, save for the curse on Katie that is only eluded to at various points in the film. As a child, she experienced “hauntings” in every house she moved into, mostly including a black mist at the end of her bed, and a whispering in her ear. Now that Katie and Micah have moved into their new place, and the strange noises and occurrences have followed them, Micah has decided to document their findings with a fancy pants camera, and hours of footage of them sleeping. Creepiness abounds.

I’m surprised that this movie wasn’t made earlier. In the wake of such “real ghost story” movies as A Haunting in Connecticut, and An American Haunting, it’s due time that there is a movie that attempts real scares with no cheesy CG effects and unfair violin screeches. And what I appreciate most about this film is that they seem to understand that audiences aren’t foolish. They make an obligatory claim in the beginning that the footage is real, but their website and IMDB page acknowledge that the film was shot with actors, on a set, and with a script.

The writing in the film is believable. That said, some of the moments verge on predictably cheesy. The flaw is that the movie attempts to be ultra-realistic, but then is based in a world that is fundamentally not real. Now I’m not here to argue the existence of ghosts or demons, but there is a challenge in writing casual dialogue about psychics and the supernatural. I’m a cynic, I’ll acknowledge that, but this is what I found continually distanced me from the world of the film. I couldn’t be wrapped up in the fear, because at several points the actors performances noticeably weaken. These are the points when they are talking about the ghost directly, and the dialogue comes across as silly.

The acting is wonderful.  Both Katie and Micah (their real names, of course), are able to act and react so casually to each other and their surroundings, and believably descend into paranoia as the events of the movie progress. As I mentioned earlier, the weakest moments in the film are conversations with a psychic, or about a Ouija board. The expository elements in the first ten minutes of the movie are great, but once this science-fiction element is introduced, it becomes a nearly impossible feat to play with utter naturalism.

The scares in the movie are plentiful, but sparse enough to not be irritating. What kills me in a horror movie are cheap scares, and while there are a few “jumpy” moments, they are few and far between, and fun enough to not make me hate the producers. I do think the movie would have benefitted from fewer light-handed moments. The scariest parts of the film are the striking visuals; things like Katie being discovered in the dark in various parts of the house after sleep walking, or watching Micah sleep from the end of the bed. Once the realistic world of this home movie are set up, the director should feel free to really get the audience going with big scares, which can still be pulled off with a subtlety. I kept waiting for the couple to go downstairs and discover their furniture stacked, or the TV upside down, or a mirror shattered. Instead, we’re treated to a few too many slight door movements, or a knock downstairs.

BREAKDOWN

MAKE – What makes the movie is its innovation. It’s bizarre to me that there is no film like this, because I feel like I’ve had this idea before. Its concept is fresh and scary, and it is produced with a novel éclat that makes the audience’s journey fulfilling and worthwhile.

BREAK – What could break the movie is the pacing. There are too many of the same bedroom shot, which while I appreciate as far as getting the audience scared of one location, and then returning often to it, it becomes a bit tiresome and predictable. There are only so many times we can see a door slam before it loses its effect. What would have helped is a quicker descent towards the true scares. That said, my other problem with the film was the believability that they would stay in the house as long as they do, and keep filming it. Once I heard whispering, I’d be out of there.

BOTTOM LINE – See the movie now, because whether you want to or not, someone is going to make you watch it one day. It’s truly scary, and I really appreciate the writing and acting. I’m a firm believer in reality, but I do love when a movie bends this reality towards something more supernatural. A movie like The Blair Witch Project is infinitely scarier to me than The Amityville Horror.

The Top 10 Films of the Year

“I won’t let anyone come between us anymore. “

10. High Tension

This film definitely took me by surprise. I had remembered seeing previews for it and chalked it up to another brainless slasher film (which don’t get me wrong, can be fun to watch). Little did I know that this is actually one of the better horror films released in the past decade or so, and it really lives up to its name. The scenes are tense, the deaths are gruesome, and the ending is handled very well. The concept of the twist ending is something I’d seen done horribly in other films recently, so it was refreshing to see the ‘right’ way to make this kind of movie work.

“I’ve spent so long in the darkness, I’d almost forgotten how…beautiful the moonlight is.”

9. Corpse Bride

The spiritual successor to one of my favorite movies, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and yet another Tim Burton/Johnny Depp collaboration, I was a little nervous this movie wouldn’t live up to my expectations. Luckily, it did. It’s not nearly as good as Nightmare but it holds its own and the story is crafted in a very lovely fashion. The songs were something I was less impressed with, but they were still fun none the less. Also, Emily Watson voices Victoria and I love her.

“Don’t give me no rules. All I got are rules.”

8. Walk the Line

I love Johnny Cash, and when I heard about the biopic being made about him I was pretty excited to see how it turned out. Then Joaquin Phoenix was cast as Cash himself, and at first I thought it was a strange casting choice. But after seeing the movie, I realized how perfect he was for that role. While the film itself seemed to come out conveniently when the biopic fad was hitting it’s stride, I thought this was one of the stronger films in that genre. Phoenix specifically did wonderful in his role, and the music was of course brilliant.

“Ask him, Edie…ask him how come he’s so good at killing people.“

7. A History of Violence

A lot of people didn’t like this movie, and I honestly wasn’t sure how I felt about it upon my first viewing either. But upon viewing it a second time, I started to understand what Cronenberg was trying to do, and behind the seemingly simple story about a man trying to forget his violent past is a very Darwinian focus on survival of the fittest and how humans have adapted to using violence as a tactic to survive. It’s a very interesting watch, and it isn’t for everyone, but I personally love it.

“Let’s get some fuckin’ french toast!“

6. The 40 Year Old Virgin

I’d still say this is Apatow’s strongest film, and it’s so incredibly truthful while managing to be hilarious as well. Andy is a good person, and unlike the slew of raunchy teen comedies about losing their virginity no matter what bro!!! is a very heartfelt story of a lonely guy who simply stopped trying and kept doing the things he loved doing. It’s satisfying to see him find someone he loves, and who loves him, but in the end the movie is about Andy finding himself and being able to grow as a human being. That, and it’s really funny.

“You know friend, this is a god damn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.“

5. Brokeback Mountain

I remember this being touted as ‘That Gay Cowboy Movie’ for a long time. There was controversy behind depicting two ‘hollywood’ actors like Gyllenhaal and Ledger as gay. People still talk about it in kind of a teasing way, and the term ‘Brokeback’ is used often in a derogatory way nowadays. The fact of the matter is, this is a gorgeous, non traditional love story that is handled with the utmost profesionalism, courtesy of director Ang Lee. The actors are all in top form here, especially Ledger, earning him his first Academy Award nomination, something you wouldn’t have expected from the star of ‘A Knight’s Tale.’ 

“I can only express puzzlement, that borders on alarm.“

4. Sin City

Robert Rodriguez is quite possibly the most unpredictable director, in terms of ‘will I like his new movie or not?’ After the El Mariachi trilogy, he made Spy Kids, essentially dancing for his kids while throwing them candy and simultaneously shitting all over the rest of the world. But then he made Sin City, and I remembered why he’s so good at what he does. The cinematography here is some of the best I’ve seen, and no movie before or since has really captured the ‘comic book’ feel on film. It also makes good use of some great talent like ‘Comeback of the Year’ Mickey Rourke, and ‘Bad-Ass Baldy’ Bruce Willis.

“Sometimes when I think of how good my book is going to be, I can’t breathe.“

3. Capote

If you know me at all, you know I love Philip Seymour Hoffman more than anything. He had been doing great work pretty much since and including Boogie Nights, after his ‘mean prep school jerk’ phase. But this was the first movie the Academy finally recognized his work, and not only nominated him but gave him the best Actor Oscar. And did he ever deserve it. Embodying real life persona Truman Capote was likely not an easy feat, but he pulled it off brilliantly. I’d probably not care about this movie if he wasn’t the one being awesome in it. But it’s true that the film itself is pretty great too.

“You must become more than just a man in the mind of your opponent.“

2. Batman Begins

I never cared much for Batman. This was mostly due to never reading the actual comic books but just watching shitty movies about him get worse and worse as they went on, culminating in the giant turd called Batman and Robin. It wasn’t until I saw this movie, the ‘relaunch’ of the franchise, that I realized how fucking awesome Batman is, or at least how awesome he can be. Christopher Nolan proved he was the ‘next big thing’ by setting the Batman mythos in a very ‘realistic’ Gotham City, and grounding it in as much reality as it could while still maintaining the comic book’s stories and characters.

“Well, something sure the hell ain’t right.“

1. Serenity

Joss Whedon has not let me down yet. I grew up watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the day I finally got around to seeing his ill-fated space-western series Firefly it had already been cancelled and released on DVD. It’s a completely different animal than Buffy, and in my opinion his best series. It maintains the humor that I love but grounds it with more of the human element. Sure, it’s set in a future we’ll likely never see, but there aren’t any vampires or lesbian witches or musical demons to take away the relatability. It’s a ‘realistic’ future, and you really grow to love this crew of characters.

Then the movie came out, and just cemented how fucking awesome this world is. This is the movie George Lucas wished he made instead of Revenge of the Sith. It’s the way a Sci-Fi film should be, with great characters, great effects and a wonderful story of hope and rooting for the underdog. Even if you have never seen the series, this movie is a monster of it’s own, so don’t let that stop you.

“This report is maybe twelve years old. Parliament buried it, and it stayed buried till River dug it up. This is what they feared she knew. And they were right to fear because there’s a whole universe of folk who are gonna know it, too. They’re gonna see it. Somebody has to speak for these people. You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the same place. So now I’m asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything I know this, they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten, they’ll swing back to the belief that they can make people…better. And I do not hold to that. So no more running. I aim to misbehave.“

- Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion)

“This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story.”

Director: Marc Webb

Writers: Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber

Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Zooey Deschanel

Rating: 4.5/5

There is nothing inherently bad about romantic comedies or romance films in general, but I believe it’s often true that they are bad for us. John Cusack asked in High Fidelity whether he listened to pop music because he was depressed or if he was depressed because he listened to pop music. 500 Days Of Summer dwells similarly on our constructed romantic fantasies, how they define the way we live and what can happen when they clash with reality.

Tom Hansen (Jospeh Gordon-Levitt) is the kind of person who has internalized every mopey Smiths song ever made and believes he will never be happy until he meets “the one”. Enter Summer Finn (Zooey Deschanel), the Ringo Starr-loving pixie dream girl he’s been waiting his whole life to meet. But hang on. As we already know this isn’t a love story. Summer likes Tom, maybe even loves him, but she can’t promise that she will feel the same way the following week or even the following morning. Tom reluctantly agrees to follow this relationship because he’s in love with her and soon enough, as we know from the first scene Summer is over.

500 Days is an incredibly admirable film in several ways. It imitates the whimsical style and mood of the typical “quirky” romantic comedy while simultaneously questioning and subverting it. There is a sequence early in the film (and the relationship) where we see little memories of Summer and we hear Tom, lost in euphoria, gushing over her little eccentricities he’s fallen in love with. It’s pretty sappy and while I admit I liked it I did so in spite of myself. I was happily surprised to discover the film was more self-aware than I gave it credit for, when later in the film Tom, now crushed, recalls the exact same moments, now with a bitter tirade as narration. This little gimmick does a lot to show how in movies and even in life we see things the way we want to see them and not so much as they are.

As the film exposes our cultural myths about romance by slowly crushing Tom (the definition of a hopeless romantic) it also says a lot about representations of women. There have been a slew of movies in the past few years featuring a love interest in the form of the “pixie dream girl”; that beautiful, spontaneous, free-spirited girl who eventually is won over by our often hapless leading man. Director Marc Webb acknowledges that this is indeed a paper-thin male fantasy and chooses to tell this story from the point of view of a man who believes in it completely. The problem is that Summer is a real person and the same free-spirited attributes that make her so irresistible to Tom keep him from ever really possessing her the way he so desperately wants to. Zooey Deschanel is a perfect choice to re-examine this archetype as she is herself the quintessential indie pin-up girl and has even played the “pixie” frequently before (I recall last year’s wretched Yes Man).  So yeah, JGL and Deschanel: awesome.

It isn’t all pop-culture critique however. Despite being an emotionally painful film at times, overall it is a ridiculously fun movie to watch. The film jumps around ecstatically to various days in the titular 500 allowing us to put the narrative together like a puzzle as well as easily letting us see hints of the end of the relationship in the beginning. There are great non-sequitur cuts, whimsical montages and a fantastic musical sequence complete with full choreography and animated birds. I have a feeling that the “sketch” effects that have become synonymous with “cute indie films” will annoy the more cynical of viewers, but here they are used sparingly and are thematically consistent with Tom’s architectural aspirations. Even the many pop culture references, which normally do not accomplish much and attempt to achieve things the filmmaker didn’t earn are very well used. The references (apart from making the characters seem “cool”) are in fact fleeting glances at the mindset of each character and good hints towards where the film is going. My only real complaint is that while using the template of the “quirky” romantic comedy the filmmakers inadvertently fall into some of its cliches. Tom’s friends especially are nothing more than a distraction from what is interesting about the film and how many times do we have to endure the “you need to get over it, man” scenes?

In the opening narration we are told that Tom’s ideas about love stemmed partially from a total misreading of the end of the film The Graduate. This was an endearing detail as, when I was younger I too completely misinterpreted the ending as a love-conquers-all victory of a final scene. I recall lending the dvd to a friend of mine I was deeply smitten with and after watching it she told me she was very troubled by the ending and my dumb explanation of “the triumph of love” did little to negate her darker interpretation. Years later, and after watching 500 Days Of Summer I think I understand why I didn’t understand The Graduate and maybe also why that relationship never materialized.

-James

Great Moment: Joseph Gordon-Levitt belts out the Pixies’ Here Comes Your Man at a karaoke bar.

...bear with me, the movie is better than the poster.

Movie Review – Trick ‘r Treat (2008)

Director: Michael Dougherty

Writer: Michael Dougherty

Starring: Anna Paquin, Dylan Baker, Brian Cox

Rating: 4.5/5

You guessed it, another movie review about someone with a bag head. I’ve got a thing, what can I say. Trick ‘r Treat was supposed to be released in 2007, but was pushed back and got a straight to DVD release just this month. The internet campaign that has followed is remarkable, with the movie popping up all over horror genre websites, with nearly unanimously excellent reviews. Which confused me. The cover looks like something I’d bypass at Blockbuster, or maybe rent only to make fun of in some kind of drunken stupor. I was very wrong.

The movie is a tightly woven anthology of four stories about Halloween, all set in a small idyllic American town. The title sequence and frequent title slides frame these stories as a graphic novel, which in fact it has just been adapted into this month. The art direction is wonderful, as the town is veiled in a Sleepy Hollow-esque gothic orange hue. I can’t quite describe what makes the movie so beautiful, but they have achieved a perfect saturated Halloween world that could never actually exist. Yes, all this for a campy straight to DVD release.

Fact is, the stories Dougherty has given us are written in such a way that makes them seem like classics. Think Freaky Stories, but with great actors. Without giving away too much of the plot, I’ll attempt to outline the stories in their most basic form. First we meet Laurie (Anna Paquin), a younger sister who is attempting to find a boyfriend at a Halloween party, and ends up at a bizarre sorority ritual around a campfire (See: Porn). Next is Dylan Baker’s character Steven, a school principal who celebrates a spectacularly bloody Halloween with his son, when they find a chubby young boy stealing their candy. Baker has to be one of my favorite actors, and he’s stellar in this maniacal — albeit brief — role. Perhaps the scariest of the stories follows the legend of the High School Bus Massacre, as a group of teenagers end up at the bottom of a rock quarry, hunted by the ghosts of the kids who died. And finally my least favorite of the four, when you finally meet the bag headed character that is the roughly hewn through line connecting the stories, as he intrudes into a Halloween-hating old man’s home, played by Brian Cox.

What I should also mention is an opening sequence before the titles that doesn’t sustain itself enough to be considered a “story”, but is a strong element in the film. I won’t describe it in the least, but hopefully provoke you to watch the movie by hinting at it. There is a double fakeout that is one of the scariest moments in the movie.

I found myself grinning from ear to ear for about eighty percent of this movie. The scares are plentiful, but are done with a dark comedic tone that makes you smile. As the plots progress, you’re never left wondering why a character won’t just turn the damn light on, or call the cops, because the world of the movie is so precisely drawn that you’ll buy whatever they give you, and leave you wanting more. Anytime you guess what will happen next, it usually does, but with a clever spin that is exponentially more fulfilling than you’d imagine. Each of the stories are cleverly woven together in a more well thought out way than other commendable films dealing with multiple storylines. I loved Paris Je T’Aime, but I think the stories exist in a world seemingly seperate from one another. And a montage at the end simply isn’t enough for me to link them into one unit.

BREAKDOWN

MAKE – There are a few things that make this movie which I’ve already listed above. But if I had to pick one, it would be the writing. Trick ‘r Treat is an exercise in storytelling. It uses horror cliché in new and startlingly innovative ways that never leaves the audience bored. Pair that with an honorable mention for stellar acting, and the movie is a must see.

BREAK – What could break the movie is the damn bag head character, actually. There is a ten minute sequence near the end that borders on annoying, and enters a realm of science fiction that the rest of the movie has artfully hinted at. There is also a fair amount of gore in the film, which if you aren’t in the mood for, or can’t appreciate from a “camp” point of view, make come across as simply distasteful.

BOTTOM LINE – The movie is bloody entertaining. It is a must see around Halloween, because it delivers pitch perfect scares from good actors. The writing is cunning and sharp, and no stone is left unturned as far as the exploration of subject. I went in determined to dislike this movie, and was so happily proven wrong. It’s about time there was a mainstay Halloween genre movie. I hate to say I’d go to the theatre to see Trick ‘r Treat II, although with a title like that, I can’t imagine it’d draw a big crowd. Yeesh.

Movie Review – Baghead (2008)

Director: Jay Duplass, Mark, Duplass

Writer: Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass

Starring: Ross Partridge, Steve Zissis, Greta Gerwig, Elise Muller

Rating: 3/5

Baghead is an anomaly. There is truly no genre it could be classified into, other than “independent”, which I hate to call a genre. I heard about the film from some previews on the Food Network (?), and it seemed up my alley. Four people in a cabin, being stalked by a man with a bag on his head? Aces.

The story follows four friends, loosely separated into couples: Matt and Catherine, Chad and Michelle. They are all actors struggling to get their breakthrough role, and so decide to head out to a cabin in the woods over a weekend to write their own movie to star in. What follows is a relationship drama, as Chad tries to write himself into the movie as Michelle’s boyfriend, but she has shifted her focus to the much sought after Matt. It’s bizarre and uncomfortable, but when the titular character shows up standing in the woods, things become even more bizarre and even more uncomfortable. I won’t give away the rather predictable ending, but instead will actually encourage you to see this movie so I can discuss it more. I disliked the movie, but I’m not sure why.

Visually the movie is much akin to the Blair Witch Project. What I can only assume is a stab at some kind of meta, the film is shot like a low budget documentary, although not by the actors themselves. They simply don’t pay attention to the camera man, through the lazy swipes from person to person in a conversation, and the rapid zooms into someone’s face to get their reaction. I’m painting a sordid picture here, it really wasn’t bad to watch. It’s actually what makes the movie scary. The idea that the audience is treated as another member of the cast, experiencing the events live as they happen.

I’m torn on the writing. On one hand, it is handled sparingly enough to seem real and even improvised. On the other hand, the pace of the movie often lags, because it takes the actors a bit too long to get to the point the audience has already assumed. The relationships sometimes become a bit heavy handed, and the audience is guided too carefully along the journey of each of the characters. This point ties into the acting: a point that took about three points off of the total score, and I can’t put my finger on why. The actors are good. They are natural and believable, the relationships are easy to understand, and the characters are far from static. That said, I simply hated them. There was no redeeming person to root for, there was no couple I had anything invested in, and there was no point that I actually feared for any of the characters lives.

BREAKDOWN

MAKE – What makes the movie is a 20 minute segment in the final act where a genre seems clearly defined: Sparse Horror. Maybe it’s because it’s one of my favorite genres that I identified with it the most, or because it was a chance for the actors to be the biggest and the most genuinely spontaneous. It was actually scary, and was the only segment of the film that I felt on board with the actors, like I could identify with their plight, and really understood where they were at. I also have a penchant for villains who can run…its so much scarier for some reason.

BREAK – What breaks this movie is failure to define a genre. This sounds counterintuitive, because I’ve spent the past while complaining about having my hand held throughout, and am now complaining that I didn’t “get it”. The movie was predictable in its plot, but so unpredictable in its genre that it was difficult to watch. It didn’t come across as a deliberate choice, but rather as sloppy writing. The ending is frustrating and bewildering. I’ll put it this way: Imagine watching Scream, but having the killer end up being Dewey, and Gail totally understands why he did it, so they get married, and Sidney makes jokes about how Dewey tried to kill her at the wedding. You just want a genre to be a genre, not give you a taste of it and then back off. Baghead begins so many plots and so many ideas that it drops, that the ending can’t help but be unfulfilling, and the actors can’t help but be confused. Acting in a romantic comedy is simply different than acting in a romantic drama.

BOTTOM LINE – I think you should see this movie. Yes, I gave it a 3. It’s surely not everyone’s cup of tea, but I think it is innovative in its execution, and the directors exhibit some promising storytelling potential. That, and I would love to get someone else’s take on this. I’ve never been so befuddled by a film before.