Rating: 0.5/5

Directed By: Michael Bay

Written By: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman

Starring: Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, Peter Cullen (voice), Hugo Weaving (voice)

Wow I hated this movie. I really wanted to give it a big Zero out of Five, but it turns out I kind of liked one part of it, and that makes me feel like a dirty whore. More on that later. I first want to say that this movie, and how well it did at the box office, represents everything that is wrong with summer entertainment and the entire film industry. A lot of the time some of the best movies get overlooked by audiences and studios that are unwilling to take a risk. With the recession I can understand why, but we all still miss out on so much and it’s sad that a brilliant film like ‘500 Days of Summer’ or last year’s ‘The Wrestler’ get a slow limited release while a massive steaming pile of shit like ‘Transformers’ or its bastard cousin ‘G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra’ gets played in every theatre on Earth and makes over $800 million worldwide. Anyway, enough of my babbling, it’s time to unleash the bile of my critical drubbing…

Now I’m going to be the first to admit that I was fully aware going into this film that it wasn’t going to be art. It wasn’t going to make me think and the movie was made for the expressed purpose of being a summer popcorn flick. But the way my friends go on about it as if there is nothing inherently wrong with a two and a half hour movie about robots hitting each other, is too much to bear.

10. Shaun Of The Dead (2004)

Why should we care about credits? Aren’t they just a boring formality so producers can pat themselves on the back?

This is certainly how they began. Movies used to simply use a few title cards so everyone got credited quickly and we could all move on. Then something happened. Someone out there realized that during a credit sequence they could convey certain things to the audience that the narrative couldn’t strictly do. Quentin Tarantino, himself a proponent of great title sequences said that the opening credits sequence “is usually the only mood time that movies give themselves.” Credit sequences are now normally expected to set up the whole tone of the film you are about to watch. But as I hope you’ll see here they can do even more than that. My rule was simple. Every one had to be a credit sequence, not simply an opening sequence. That’s it. Here we go!

Sorry for the video. Start at 3:08. I certainly wouldn’t call Edgar Wright’s Shaun Of The Dead a “message” movie. It’s a sweet romantic comedy…with zombies. However the opening sequence seems (still humourously) to meditate on a few larger ideas than we are presented within the story. What differentiates us from a zombie anyway? If it is just an organism with basic motor functions trying to satisfy a few biological urges (eat, sleep, listen to iPod) “zombie” can be seen as a pretty broad term. A brilliant little piece of social satire tucked into one the best comedies in recent memory.

For the next few weeks, I’m going to focus my writings on things related to animation. So to kick it off I’ve decided to share my personal favorite episodes of The Simpsons. You know, that TV show that was one of the greatest cartoons ever made which soon devolved into one of the worst. The one that is still airing new episodes, even though its pretty unanimous that it sucks now. Well, most of us also know that during the so called ‘Golden Years’ (seasons 3-8 or so, although there’s some debate about the exact time the series went downhill) The Simpsons was churning out great television and some of the best jokes ever. So here they are, my ten favorite Simpsons episodes of all time. Take note: this was a difficult list to compile.

10. The PTA Disbands

Season 6, Episode 21

This is one of those classic episodes that most people recognize, but rarely think of when trying to remember good episodes. After a failed school field trip, the teacher’s have enough and go on strike at Springfield Elementary. This in turn causes people from the neighborhood to take up the teacher’s positions. There’s a lot of good stuff in this episode, and Principal Skinner-focused episodes rarely disappoint. It’s also a less ‘zany’ episode than some of the ones on this list, and probably one of the most down to earth and approaches the subject matter with a keen intellect.

Highlights:

• Principal Valiant
• “Hey they’re trying to learn for free!” “Use your phony guns as clubs!”
• “In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!”
• The man who jumps out the window, then back in when Ned assures him the PTA has not disbanded.
• Bart ‘tricking’ Skinner to go to his office (“Go to my office? Highly irregular, but alright.”)

Awards season is coming up, you know the time when the studio’s start releasing their “Oscar bait.” I love the Academy Awards. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I find some sort of validation in knowing that there is a massive group of people out there that loves the movies even more than those of us who write for The Spotless Minds. And that makes me feel accepted. But whenever that Best Picture award comes around I know that there is an 80% chance that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will royally fuck it up. These are the ten biggest mistakes the Academy ever made and the movies that should have won.

Number 10: Dances with Wolves (1990)

Are you fucking kidding me???? ‘Good Fellas’ came out this same year and was nominated for Best Picture as well! How high would you have to be to think for a second that Martin Scorsese’s gangster masterpiece is inferior to watching Kevin Costner, of all people, stare at grass for over 2 1/2 hours?? ‘Dances with Wolves’ is a beautiful film to look at, but so is ‘Good Fellas,’ and in the end Scorsese’s film is the one that encompasses the truest spirit and magic of the film medium. When Ray Liotta breaks the fourth wall and addresses the audience to tell us why he loved being a gangster, it’s one of those moments that makes me love film.

Name: Greg Wilson

DOB: October 4, 1989

Favourite Directors: Stanley Kubrick, Martin Scorsese, Paul Thomas Anderson, Christopher Nolan, David Fincher, Quentin Tarantino, Sergio Leone, Michael Mann

Favourite Writers: David Mamet, Charlie Kaufman, Judd Apatow, Quentin Tarantino

Favourite Actors: Daniel Day-Lewis, Kate Winslet, Sam Rockwell, Alec Baldwin, Paul Rudd, Brad Pitt, Neil Patrick Harris, Al Pacino, Uma Thurman

Some Favourite Movies: The Good the Bad and the Ugly, Heat, The Dark Knight, Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, The Empire Strikes Back, Dr. Strangelove, The Godfather 1-2, Lord of the Rings, The Departed, There Will Be Blood, Eyes Wide Shut, Liar Liar, Apocalypse Now, Superbad, The Emperor’s New Groove, Magnolia, The Aviator, The Killer

A Little Background Info: I am a drama major at the University of Lethbridge. I love acting, writing and directing. In my spare time I make internet sketches with my good friends. Movies are my passion. And I don’t drink Vex coolers anymore.

Hi everyone! I’m Greg. If you don’t know me here’s a little bit about myself: I love movies, but every so often a film comes along that makes my blood boil, and I feel compelled to write my thoughts. So for my first review I’d like to offer my “insight” on the movie Twilight, in honour of the newest instalment in the series being only a few weeks away:

TWILIGHT

Rating: 0/5

Directed By: Catherine Hardwicke

Writer: Melissa Rosenberg (Screenplay), Stephanie Meyer (Novel)

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart

I want to begin by saying that I did not like this film, stop reading if you’re one of the many people out there who loved it and want nothing more than to curl up and snuggle in Edward’s deathly cold arms. This review may offend you.

I admit this movie is intriguing, I enjoy a good forbidden love story as much as the next person (‘The Princess Bride’ anyone?), but after about the first 30 minutes you’ll realize that this basic plot has been done before and much better. An example that immediately comes to mind is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Twilight is one of the only movies I’ve suffered through in theatres in which I thought walking out halfway through would be the best idea ever (another was Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, but more on that later).

The actors are as good as Keanu Reeves in ‘The Matrix Revolutions’… Which is the same as saying that a brick would be just as good. This was one of the most disappointing aspects of the flick beause I’ve seen the two leads in other movies and they are so much better than the artificial script they’re working from. Case in point: Kristen Stewart in ‘Adventureland.’ She’s wonderful in that one.

I can’t seem to think of a good performance from Robert Pattinson…I’ll just go with ‘The Goblet of Fire’

Year One

Director: Harold Ramis

Writer: Harold Ramis, Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg

Starring: Jack Black, Michael Cera, David Cross, Juno Temple, June Raphael

Rating: 0.5/5

It’s been a long time since I’ve found myself laughing uncontrollably from a movie, and the more comedies spewed out by the money grubbing studios the more I lose interest in the genre. I remember a time when I would get excited about comedies, and lately I mostly get upset. Here we have Year One, a ‘buddy comedy’ set in, well, Year One. Jack Black and Michael Cera play the same characters they’ve always played with longer hair and embark on a road trip/adventure/self discovery quest when they are exiled from their tribe. That’s…pretty much the gist of the story. The rest of the movie is filled with anachronisms, allegories, and alliterations (see what I did there) that ultimately just create a jumbled mess of a movie with nothing redeemable about it.

A shot you'll grow to loathe

Movie Review – Paranormal Activity (2007)

Director: Oren Peli

Writer: Oren Peli

Starring: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat

Rating: 4/5

Paranormal Activity was released to festivals in 2007 to much critical and audience acclaim, and was only recently picked up by Paramount Pictures and released nationwide to pretty outstanding box office success. Made for $11,000, and sure to gross like mad, it is being toted as the next Blair Witch Project, which happens to be one of my favorite horror films. I loved a lot of things about Paranormal Activity, but can’t honestly say it would make my top 10 or even 20 in the genre.

The Top 10 Films of the Year

“I won’t let anyone come between us anymore. “

10. High Tension

This film definitely took me by surprise. I had remembered seeing previews for it and chalked it up to another brainless slasher film (which don’t get me wrong, can be fun to watch). Little did I know that this is actually one of the better horror films released in the past decade or so, and it really lives up to its name. The scenes are tense, the deaths are gruesome, and the ending is handled very well. The concept of the twist ending is something I’d seen done horribly in other films recently, so it was refreshing to see the ‘right’ way to make this kind of movie work.

“This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story.”

Director: Marc Webb

Writers: Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber

Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Zooey Deschanel

Rating: 4.5/5

There is nothing inherently bad about romantic comedies or romance films in general, but I believe it’s often true that they are bad for us. John Cusack asked in High Fidelity whether he listened to pop music because he was depressed or if he was depressed because he listened to pop music. 500 Days Of Summer dwells similarly on our constructed romantic fantasies, how they define the way we live and what can happen when they clash with reality.